


More Spiritual Thoughts

by The Neon Gang (clgfanfic)



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Magnificent Seven AU: Little Britches ATF, church based humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7532122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/The%20Neon%20Gang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Spiritual Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Let's Ride #20. 
> 
> Adapted from religious humor shorts circulated on the Internet.

**Lot's Wife** [1]

          JD and Vin were sitting in their Sunday School class at St. Phillips Episcopal Church, listening as the Sunday School teacher said "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt."

          "What happened to the flea?" JD asked as one of the other students thrust his hand into the air.

          "Yes, Tommy?" the teacher said, choosing to ignore JD.

          "My mom looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly.  "She turned into a telephone pole."

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

**Blood is Blood**

          In Sunday School one week, Vin's class was discussing the death of Jesus.  One thing led to another and the Sunday School teacher found himself giving a lesson on the circulation of blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head the blood would run into it, and I'd turn red in the face."

          "Uh-huh," Vin said, nodding.

          "But I'm standing normal and the blood doesn't run into my feet!" little Eli Joe stated, his arms folded over his chest.

          "'Cause your feet ain't empty," Vin told him matter-of-factly.

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Dust to Dust**

          The Larabee and Tanner families sat in church as Josiah stepped up to the pulpit as the guest preacher.  "Dear Lord," the big man began, "without you, we are but dust…"

He would have continued but, at that very moment, JD leaned close to Buck and asked, quite audibly in his shrill little voice, "Da, what's butt dust?"

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

**Lost and Found**

          As JD worked on a page he was coloring, Vin opened the large, old Larabee family Bible.  He looked with fascination at the ancient pages, turning them one by one.

          He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible.  He picked it up and looked at it closely.  It was a very large, very old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long, long ago.

          "Hey, JD!  Look what I found!" he called.

          "What's that?" JD asked.

          With astonishment in his voice, Vin answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Entrance Fee**

          "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" Josiah asked the Sunday School class he was substitute teaching.

          "No!" the children all answered.

          "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

          Again the answer was, "No!"

          "Well then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and opened doors for all the ladies, would that get me into heaven?"

          Once more they all answered, "No!"

          Josiah smiled, deciding the children were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than he'd given them credit for.  "Then how can I get into Heaven?" he asked.

          "You gotta be dead!" JD shouted, looking very pleased with himself.

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Lost and Found**

          It was the day after Christmas and Josiah was looking at the nativity scene in the community hall at St. Phillip's when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.

          Turning to go find Father Tim, to ask him what had happened, he saw JD with his new red wagon.  In the bed of the wagon was the figure of the infant Jesus.

          "JD," Josiah called, "where did you get baby Jesus?"

          "From over there," JD replied, pointing to the nativity scene.

          "Why did you take him away from his mother and father?" Josiah asked.

          With a smile JD explained in one breath, "Well, before Christmas I prayed to baby Jesus and told him if he got Santa to bring me a wagon for Christmas I'd give him a ride around the block in it.  Wanna come?"

          "Why not," Josiah replied.

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Proper Burial**

          Wondering where Vin and JD had gotten to, Josiah went outside to find them.  A few moments later he saw that the two boys had discovered a dead robin.

          Feeling that a proper burial should be performed for the poor bird, the boys had secured a small box and cotton balls, and had already dug a small hole to dispose of the deceased.

          JD volunteered to say a prayer for the bird and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought a minister ought to say:  "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnnn… and into the hole he goooooes."

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**Wedding Day**

          Vin and JD attended their first wedding, watching delightedly as Nathan and Raine tied the knot.  After the service JD looked up at Vin and asked, "How many women can a man marry?"

          "Sixteen," the older boy replied immediately.

          JD was amazed that Vin knew the answer so quickly.  "How d'ya know that?"

          "Easy," Vin replied.  "All ya got t' do is add it up, like the preacher said:  4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

 

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

* ~ *

 

[1]  **Author's Note** :  First, I want to thank the tremendously talented ladies who created this wonderful AU.  And second, my heartfelt thanks to Erica for her encouragement.  These are really just some drabbles, inspired by e-mails from The_Anglican_LGBT_Community list.


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